I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
