Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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