When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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