If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
