well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
