I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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