guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
