Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
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my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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