just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
