i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
