dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
