I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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