sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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