Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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