So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
