I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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