That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
