The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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