Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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