If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize