what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
