We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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