it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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