I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
