I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
