hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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