I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
