My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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