my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
