i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
