where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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