my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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