i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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