I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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