Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We got so high we made milksteak
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
