you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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