I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He shit in the fireplace
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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