I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
