I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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