Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
