I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
