we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
