never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
