He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
