I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
