i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
