No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
