If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
