whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
