Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You made out with two different species that night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
