RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
