oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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