I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
