One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am available for nakedness
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
