i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
