I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
