someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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