I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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