Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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