Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
