they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
