she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize