After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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