Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
