I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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