you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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