One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
