Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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