my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
