I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
