So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
