I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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