I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
