im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
