I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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