You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
