we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
