I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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