Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
