He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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