Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
